Dreams -- UPS and DOWNS

A week ago I had a terrible dream.  I don't usually mind bad dreams because most of the time it doesn't add up and you know it wouldn't happen like that  -- but this one was so realistic I wasn't sure if it was true or not when I woke up.  It sets you up for a bad day.  For me a bad dream is loss.  Losing someone you love and not getting to say goodbye.

It's dreams like these that can make it hard to go to sleep.  And sometimes I am afraid to close my eyes because I don't know what the night will bring. I dream a lot. And typically I can remember them.. good or bad. I'm not sure why God made me this way but I conquer all kinds of things in my dreams. From ridiculous to wishes....

Ever since I've started the journey of finding/knowing my birth mom, at least once a week I've had dreams of her.  Almost always, it's about meeting her the first time.  The majority of the time this dream has literally been a "dream".  Some type of circumstance in it SO would not happen.  EVERY dream has been me flying on a plane there.  Sometimes I show up at the door, at work, at a family event, sometimes my social worker is with me.  Never is my husband with me nor my children or my parents. I'm always alone.

Never has she been happy to see me.  Several times she has embraced me, but then made me pretend to be a "friend" so no one will know. I guess this is because this is how it is in real life.  She has "embraced" me in her own way, but shared it with no one - especially with the siblings that matter the most to both of us. I have dreamed that I show up at the door, she steps outside to talk with me and explains that no one is to know who I am.

This week was different.  Completely different.  This week I had a dream that COULD happen and was realistic.  Again, I flew there.  I met my social worker at the airport.  She met with me before we were to meet Jean at a restaurant.  We then met Jean at a restaurant and began conversing, guarded, cautious. Not overly friendly, nor emotional but two wounded souls trying, attempting, actually having a conversation and making some progress.  Later in this meeting, both children met us and were told about me.  All of us together. And did this go well?

No, not like a movie.  They were upset, stunned, guarded.  Protective of their mom.  Reasonable? Yes. Hopeful of a good outcome? Yes.  Did they embrace me in the 1st meeting? No, not totally.  I wouldn't expect that. Although if you asked me a few years ago, I would have said yes, I expect it. I've been working on realistic expectations, it's a painful process.

Did it all wrap up in a nice neat package? No. Does it in real life? No. Unfortunately... cause I love neat packages.  :) And I don't like loose end relationships, not knowing where you stand with people. But I'm learning, trusting in God's plan B or even plan Z or FFF.

But I woke up with a sense of renewal.  All the other dreams had had the same theme, this one was completely different.  This had hope. This wasn't some crazy Tonya Mosher antics.

Leads me back to Christ. He is lining the path. His timing. His ways I want to be my ways. I'm ready to face what's next.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6

Google ROCKS

Sunday night, it's family time at the Mosher's.  I've implemented at 7:00 pm -- all other activities cease, computers are off, face time is done for the day.  At this stage of life -- our kids are into all kinds of things that don't really involve all 4 of us.

7:00 pm.  AFV comes on.  I love to laugh and I think family time should be full of laughter.  So we sit down to watch it together.  And many times, this leads to conversations and fun memories.

However, last Sunday night.  I sat at the end of the couch, not feeling great instead of the middle like I normally do to keep the peace.. (at this stage -- there is also a lot of fighting amongst 2 children in this house...). So AFV family time wasn't going so great.  I threatened to end it.  Can you picture this? Does it happen to you too? I sure hope I'm not alone in these not so lovely moments... Lindsay is now yelling at Hunter..........................

I look over at Hunter looking at his ipad (which is forbidden by the way, but by now I don't really care since it isn't going so great) and I hear him say -- When you yell, I feel hurt by that.  Then reading his ipad, says I love you, I want a relationship with you. It hurts my feelings when you act like this.  He then raises his hand, because he reads and says it will help the person lower their voice.

You see -- he had googled what to do when someone yells at you.... genius!  Google is now helping with relationship issues at the Mosher house.  How innovative is that? I was quite impressed with this.  I probably would have been a bit more impressed as would Lindsay if he wasn't "reading" it from the ipad.

I'd like to tell you that this helped and we enjoyed the rest of our AFV family time.  It didn't.  Because then she had to google what to do with an annoying brother that farts -- it wasn't pretty. In fact, AFV ended early that night with 2 kids having to go to bed early.

Later, I thought how much he truly cares about making the relationship work with his sister and that the yelling really upsets him -- how much do I try to make relationships work in my own life?  Do I try hard? What are some tools I can use to make things better?  What do you do to make it better?  It made me think this week about ways I can make those around me know that they matter and I care about our relationship.

I may have to google some new ideas this week.... how about you? And just a hint...try to memorize it, not read it from your tablet!  It may go over better! :)