February 1

Has your life ever changed by checking the mail or by a phone call? Tomorrow marks the 3 year anniversary of one of those calls.



FEBURARY 1st, 2010

The phone rings at 10:54 am on a Monday morning. The kids have friends over in the next room. Hi, this is Beverly, your social worker and I have found your birth mother…… blow me over! Really? Is this real? It took me 20 minutes to find her. She married your birth father, sad news is he died in 2002 at the age of 53. It was a sudden illness. You have 2 full siblings.

And the sad news, at this time she wants no contact. She has loved you every day. And thought of you every day and hoped you have had a good life.

Wow! How do you respond to this? After crying hysterically for a few minutes (I think I would have cried either way). I realized this -----

• 1. I’m still standing and this isn’t destroying me. The kids are playing in the next room, I’m going to be okay. I had had dreams that I wouldn’t be able to handle non contact and feel rejected, not even want to get out of bed – but I really was okay.
• 2. I need to respond with grace and time. Grace to her – knowing she has just basically gotten a cold call and I’ve been on a journey leading to this day. She needs grace to work through all that she’s been told as well. God’s grace is greater than mine. 

This was probably the biggest news I had received in my life. I had spent hours upon hours dreaming of this woman ---- good and bad. God has/had specifically called me to do this. I may blog about the other miracles that have occurred around this time, now that some time and healing have passed. Because they truly are miracles/confirmations that this was what He had asked of me.


I would love to tell you that this has all worked out awesome. But it would be a lie. It has been the largest challenge of my faith that I've ever had. So many life lessons, frustration, hurt, sad, anger, hopeful,crushed. Like the ups and downs of a roller coaster ride.


One of the big lessons for me is that I can't control situations or responses (or lack there of) BUT I can always choose my RESPONSE.


Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6. Resting in this promise.