Three years ago I got a phone call that has changed my life more than any other phone call. This is Beverly, I have found your birth mother. She wants you to know she loves you and thinks of you every day but can't have contact with you. Unfortunately your birth father died in 2002, but you have 2 full blood siblings.
Do you have any questions?
Literally.
I had embarked on this journey starting August 12, 2009. 12:00 pm. God called me to find her. I refused and wrestled for a few months. In the wrestling, God won before I was too bruised and battered. You see, if you don't let God have his way with you, it only becomes more painful.
I followed the steps. I applied for my birth certificate, the original one. It came and was not blocked.
I then called the post adoption agency on December 2nd, 2009. Said I had my original birth certificate, what was next. She faxed me a form to fill out. I faxed it back. She explained to me that the wait is 2-5 years. Really? That seemed like such a long time off when I knew God had called me to do this. But whatever, what were you going to do? She went to put it into the computer and informed me I had been waiting for 13 years for this. What?!?! In fact, in 2 weeks I was going to be removed from the list because they had not been able to locate me.
14 years earlier, I had applied for "non-identifying" information. Garth and I felt it was important to have information before having our kids. At that time-- they automatically put you on a list to be "found". Which means if my birth mom or any one from my birth family wanted to contact you, they could through the social worker. Well, at the time, I was not ready for this and had an unfortunate situation occur that sent me into a downward spiral. So, I wrote a letter asking to be removed from that "open" list. I got confirmation letter back saying I was taken off the list.
Well, God had already been working on this and I had no idea. I was never removed from the list. But I didn't know this. So, after turning in that form, I was next in line. But what does "next" mean? I went about my daily life and you kind of forget off and on about it.
Fast forward to February 1st ,2010. The call came. I thought I would have a "session" with my social worker assigned to me first and know her a bit. Nope.
When I realized that --- my worse dream had come true, my birth mom rejected me and this time as an adult, in the next breath I realized I was still standing, kids were laughing in the next room, I WOULD work through this. My second thought, was that I had to offer grace to this woman. She literally got a cold call that uprooted her life as she knew it too.
Thus began new chapters in my life. Chapters of ups and downs. Chapters of learning true meaning of God's grace, frustration, defeat, my true identity is in Christ, He's the only one to fill the void. Lots and lots
of new lessons to be learned. Some very painful, and some very rewarding.
I would love to tell you this great story of where things are 3 years later, but I can tell you that Christ has done a work in my life and is continuing to do so. I have no regrets, I know He called me to do this (still don't know the WHY, but that doesn't matter), I've obeyed. I really was nieve in thinking that if you did exactly what God called you to do, you would get the outcome you dreamed of. I've had to grieve that and realize His outcome is what I desire more than my dream of one.
And I have THE coolest social worker in the entire universe. She has listened, encouraged, nailed me to the wall when I've needed it, loved me despite my faults. As well as the best support team one could hope for.
Philippians 1:6
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus
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