For awhile I have felt discontent. I think the "moving" time of the 7 study really made me look at things differently in my life. It pointed out areas of my life that aren't quite inline. We then took a very good vacation, and came back to reality where life just hasn't felt like it's back together. And I don't think God wants it to go back together. Do you ever get that feeling?
A few weeks ago I started reading and studying the book Undaunted by Christine Caine. It's a pretty intense study - the first week was taking segments of your life, listing something tragic or rough that happened (childhood, teen, young adult, etc) and asking how you dealt with it, how you saw God and lessons learned. No one else in our group liked the section. I wouldn't say I liked it --- but when forced to go back in time -- it was super cool to see the pattern of growth. A feeling like - yes, I am making progress in my faith -- but still feeling this lack of contentment yet trying to tell myself that when life gets hard, I'm growing.
But - once again - struggling with issues with my bio mom. I'm tired of these struggles - God is continuing to work in me in this area and I am making progress --- but I'm weary of the thoughts and weary of the situation. Church this weekend kind of nailed it - the question was asked -- are you only fighting your battle or are you winning? Identify the battle (that's the hard part for me - what is it I'm bothered about other than just being literally bothered and this takes time dwelling in it which I'm not a fan of) and CRY it out to God. Speak it. Identify it. CRY it out. REVEALING the FEELING is the beginning of HEALING.
Ephesians 3:20 says through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish INFINITELY MORE than we might ask or think. Yes please. Realizing our power fades over time when God's power increases over time. I'm weary of this - God please take it from me. I then asked for prayer in this situation. Step one - spoke it.
Sunday night as we said goodbye to our company and I had a few minutes to sit on my bed before head hitting the pillow --- my dear friend from Tucson wrote on my FB (jokingly) let's go to this conference in Austin, TX. I texted her immediately and said I'm in. Let's go. I then asked -- Now --- what's this conference about? It has my favorite bible study teachers --- and the theme is God working in greater ways. Greater than you could ever imagine. We begin to plan our scheme.
Tuesday morning rolls around to register for the conference. This is how the day has gone:
- I wake up to ants in the kitchen (we've never had ants in the house in the 12 years we've lived here) and yes I'm itching for no reason at all
- then have difficulties registering (website crashed 10 servers and had more than 38,000 hits),
- then Hunter telling me the freezer isn't cold or frozen (lost a lot of food)
- spent the afternoon cooking meat so we didn't lose it (not on my plan today)
- having argument with Hunter that I really didn't want to have
- realizing I made a mistake on someone's payroll this week
- did my friend's registration go through or not because the system was so unstable? They charged me, but we still haven't heard she's in for sure.
Do I think this is a coincidence? Thinking I would wake up this morning and start planning with my friend and thinking about ways God was going to work in us -- to having the day go like this. Not even being able to celebrate us going because we don't know if she's in or not. No coincidence. God is doing a huge work in the both of us -- her family's story these past few weeks is nothing short of the miracles of God.
We both agreed to host a monthly "table" where we bring members of the community in to our home to ask tough questions and make connections to do great things for our community and for the Lord. This is huge because 2 weeks ago in my bible study, they asked the question what would bring you the greatest joy? To me, connecting people to each other to make a difference. So when I read about hosting this group, it was like the light went off! The basis of these groups come from Acts 2:46 in opening our homes to meet together. We are praying about who it is we are to invite. That God appoints just the right people and does a work.
James 1:2 says to have joy when having trials because they develop your faith. I have joy in today because God is up to something more than awesome and these trials are because of it. Vs. 12 talks about the reward of having withstood the test, you will receive the crown.
I dare you --- identify your struggle. Speak it. Cry out to Him. Let's see what happens. Do I have all the answers? Do I feel like I've solved my adoption issues? No -- but I'm taking it to the next step. I'm going to win it instead of fight it. Stay tuned......
